BACKGROUND
I’ve worked with possibly hundreds of companies now, most have been amazing.  They are helpful, want to do the best they can and want to work with you.  This is what we all need to thrive and do the best we can.  They have a good culture, these companies you will go back to, they do good projects. 

But I have worked with thankfully only a few who don’t have this ethos.  This is not the fault of the employees, it's influenced by the leaders, the directors, the influencers who set the goals, the standards and the culture of how to act. 

Most of the time these people are open to discussions, sometimes they are busy and often they have better solutions.   But they communicate and listen.

But on 2 occasions I have come up against a leader who is a manipulative narcissist.  Sounds dramatic right!

Well it isn’t, this is a couple in thousands and its not until you take a step back that you realise what you have been dealing with.  You don’t expect it and they don’t announce themselves as such that's for sure!

But when you step away you realise what you've been dealing with.

The first one I worked for I didn’t question, I wasn’t in a position to, I was young and developing.  I was the person a manipulative narcist thrive on, I would not challenge out of lack of confidence. I left the company and never looked back.

The second I did and I have to admit i didn't handle it maybe in the best way.  Here’s how it unravelled.

IDEA
So first of all I’m no psychological expert in any way, I have a bit of basic knowledge but it a passing interest at best.  There are apparently 2 types of narcissist, the psychotic and the more common insecure narcissist.  I’ve not met a psychotic narcissist that I know of!  But they all are obsessed with their status and image above that of anyone else.
 
The standard, some say ‘common’ narcist is driven by insecurity, a fear of being found out that they have got themselves into a position that they are not qualified for, often through means that are dubious. 

We all have insecurity to certain degree, I've been there and its paralysing at times.  But a narcissist will do anything to protect themselves from having to admit they are out of their depth.  You know the person who has got a role suddenly through luck or other dubious means.  If you add to that manipulative, then you have not only someone who can’t be helped through fear, but who will do anything to hide and protect that to retain their status.
 
This transpired in the narcissist that I worked for.  I had known them for a while, and we talked quite a bit about work and life. 
 
I knew they were manipulative and I can only tell you about the work aspects, the others are potentially to damaging and are non of my business anymore.  But I did used to enjoy hearing about them, it amused me,  it just seemed ridiculous to me that they could get away with them.
 
Once they got into a position of power, that was it, the manipulation got worse and more desperate.  They would tell me stories of how they were trying to sideline the other director because they thought they were to important and had potentially to much of an influence.

There was a third founder they had promised a directorship to, to ensure they were onboard, get the workshop set up and work extra hard, but had no intention of giving it to them, they didn’t.
 
They would constantly undermine and point out the negative traits of all their staff to undermine them to others and did wired things like ensure there was loads of food at team meetings so no one would speak up because they were eating, amongst many other amusing weirdness.  They would call in inspections instead to undermine staff instead of talking to the staff direct, they didn't know enough to be able to challenge or discuss with them.  One of the biggest signs was that they were aloof and would hide away in an office to create their importance.  Talking by appointment only!
 
When someone did something wrong or they had made a mistake they would dig out that person in meetings.  Shout or give people the silent treatment if they challenged them.  When they made a mistake they would divert the blame.  The would constantly steal others ideas and use them, even though they didn’t really understand them.  They were half implemented and confused. 
 
All the staff would not go directly to her for fear of some reprisal.  Her mantra was if they don’t like it or what I say, they can get another job.
 
SYNOPSIS
 
Even though I knew this I thought I could help and I can rise above this after all, I know her and could talk to her and work things through.  They had a challenging project on and also maybe I could help as she had no project experience, it was a massive gap in the company.
 
Oh, how wrong I was......

I went about setting the project up and getting it moving.  There were signs that maybe things weren’t going to be as easy as I thought when I struggled to get hold of the contract to check and use, that she was agreeing.  When I did it was a mess, holes everywhere and a massive risk for the company.  Thankfully as is always my plan.  Don't get into a position where the contract becomes important.
 
There was also very little interest in the biggest project they had by far on.  This was 30% plus of the years turnover. She would never listen intently, try to understand.  A big sign of insecurity, the aloofness.  It caused problems for the project.
 
The thing with insecurity is that, if taken the can't be wrong route, stops a person from communicating for fear of being wrong, of seeking help.  When it becomes so ingrained they will do anything to keep mistakes or conflicting ideas away and in this case, they would manipulate people and situations to protect themselves from exposure to not being who they wanted to portray themselves as being.
 
It went on and I felt increasingly uneasy being at the company, the staff were clearly and openly scared of her aggression, the processes she had set were not really being followed because people were to scared to question them or point out they didn’t work.  People were on edge when she was around.
 
I kept going and got on with the project, dragging people to be open and loose their negative defensive behaviour, to get as much value out of the project as I could and try to make them to enjoy the work.  It worked to a certain extent.  The external project team were immune to the situation and a joy to work with.  It was actually a lovely project.
 
But it got worse internally, I needed information, I needed decisions that effected the business and she was constantly not giving me the information.  She wouldn’t return call’s, the lack of communication was putting the project as risk.  I later found out it was because she didn’t really understand, but was too scared to ask me for fear of loosing face.  She started making rash decisions that were negatively effecting the project and not communicating them.  Another issue with insecurity is you hide your decisions for fear of them being wrong.
 
I spoke to the production manager quite a lot and he asked me if I would do some more work for them and I said no.... He wanted to know why.  I couldn’t because the atmosphere and way the narcissist was I couldn’t do a good job and pointed out the way she acted.  It was not a fun place to be working.
 
I couldn’t not deal with it directly, I’d prefer not so say something if it’s about someone, especially negative if they can’t respond.  I’m not perfect, I miss read things, I don’t know what truly is going on unless I talk.  So, I decided I had to tell her what I thought I was seeing and how it affected things … and this was where I made my mistake.
 
I did the worst thing that I could have done she thought … called her out.  I didn’t understand this at the time, I just wanted to question what was going on to help.
 
This was the fuse lit… boom … there was no going back.  I got the ghosting treatment, no matter how hard I tried to get her to explain to me so I could understand, nothing. 
 
But things got worse.  She set herself up as the person who was solely responsible for invoicing, its important and easy after all! even though the accounts team and project managers were in a much better position to know and understand what was going on, on projects, especially with the lack of internal process and reporting.  But not here, it was her thing of importance and control. 
 
There was now no information and it got to the stage where the director invoiced £50K less for the final account than they should, because they would not communicate or try to understand.  There were sub-contractors getting instructions for amounts not in the budget or agreed with the client.  Internally it was a mess.  Trying to sort and find out was impossible when the person you need to speak to wont speak and is firing out darts for you to catch before they land.
 
Without information and communication a project is doomed.  I limped through and the team managed to do a brilliant job despite the working environment.  The client when I left loved the results.
 
SOLUTION
 I don’t have a solution to this ….. I got the project to a safe and sensible place and handed it back as soon as I could.
 
I felt sick going in and often cried going home when I went into the office.  The leadership had set such a toxic culture to work in.  They put people down to protect themselves, rather than elevate them to succeed.
 
I felt sorry and sad for the people left behind who have to work in that atmosphere through fear of not paying their bills.  I was the lucky one and I’ve worked with 3 companies since and have never felt sick or cried, just enjoyment working for them.

 
Insecurity is a fear, that can do bad things if you aren’t open and work with it.  I’ve been there and felt I should know everything.  The best thing I did once the bubble burst was take a step back and learn that I can be wrong, there is more than one right and set myself on a path of constant learning and collaboration.
 
It’s the best thing I could do for me and others, but the worse thing when you meet a manipulative narcissist!  Yes you can walk away, but can you when your home and family rely on you.  They fight fear with fear.  Its a way, a weak way.

​I'd love to hear your experiences and views on how you deal with toxic workplaces and leaders.

​Thanks for reading
 
Simon

​A series of blogs of lessons learnt or re learnt from a recent project, after all we all have room and need to keep learning!

EXPLANATION

I started my working life as a designer, I’ve learnt how to do a bit of estimating, have seen a lot of builds and ways of doing things, been involved in contracting.  If needed I do all these and more to an OK level.  I’m a know it all!  But I also realise I know nothing at all compared to other people. 
 
On this project there were gaps in skill sets and people far more gifted than me available, that’s life, there is always someone better and more knowledgeable.  (it’s why I like projects; you get to meet them!) 

As tempting as it was to do the work so that it was progressed quickly or it was something I was interested in, the value of me doing the work to the project is not as much as if someone who knows better than me does the work. 

It saves costs in time and accuracy and improves quality.  It’s obvious, right?  

SYNOPSIS

A manager’s prime role is to support and get those better than them the information they need.  You are not always the expert but always the enabler.   

It’s ironic and counterproductive sometimes that those best at doing something get moved into a position to stop do it.  As a manager even waiting an extra 24 hours when there is someone more knowledgeable and focused than myself saved 36 in the long run! 

And when no one was available to do the work and I stepped in.  Because that is better than it not being done at all!  You can’t always have an expert on tap!

LEARNING
​
A manager’s prime role is to support and get those better or with more time and focus, the information they need to do their jobs.  When you manage you turn from being the expert to the enabler.  

It's ironic and counterproductive to be productive that those best at doing something stop being able to properly do it. 

​But on a project, it does save you time and money in the long run to let the experts do their job! Just make sure it does get done, even if it means doing it yourself.  

​Thanks for reading
 
Simon

​A series of blogs of lessons learnt or re learnt from a recent project, after all we all have room and need to keep learning!

EXPLANATION

There were several times that the project progress in design and specification hit an impasse with both designers and client not willing or able to make a decision.  As these moments linger you lose time and money and as tempting as it is to wait to avoid making the wrong decision, they don’t go away. 
 
On this project it was not the fault of either party, they just didn’t have either the client’s awareness of what was needed or the designer’s awareness of what was possible. 
 
It's easy to put these moments off, they usually occur when there is no obviously more right answer or solution, but in directing these to a decision we were able to move on and have some certainty.  Reducing cost and program creep.
 
Looking back there is very little evidence that those decisions would have been detrimental to the project had an alternate decision been made.  The only detriment would have been if left, by the time when we came to make the decision there would have been less money in the pot and it would have caused delays to other items that relied on that decision to progress themselves. 

SYNOPSIS

As with all decisions there is too quick, to slow and not at all.  Not at all is the worst thing.  If nothing is consciously done about a decision it effects all the other decisions that have to be made because of it.  It creates extreme uncertainty which snowballs. 

This means extra time and cost is spent finding out that there is no certainty and waiting to find out what that decision will be to affect the next decision.

LEARNING
​
Here's the trick, first understand that there is more than one right decision, so most decisions are right, you can’t lose.  You can also make the decision not to decide until X is known. 

I know it may sound counter intuitive or even obvious, but in making a conscious decision until you have the right information to make that decision it allows everyone to move forward with some certainty that they must work around the lack of decision in the interim and find that X. 

If not, the uncertainty provokes blame and stagnation.

Thanks for reading
 
Simon

​A series of blogs of lessons learnt or re learnt from a recent project, after all we all have room and need to keep learning!

EXPLANATION

Working with a company with low PM maturity is fun and frustrating.  The main thing that is missing, apart from the vision from experience, are the protocols that protect them to gain certainty.  This goes the other way when they start to mature. 

You then have too many before a happy balance is reached between flexible and inflexible.  The main win on this last project was that when the project went into the home straight, we had cost certainty. 

Now this may be obvious, but this projects complexity was that it had no defined scope at the start.  Nothing to cost against.  So the project had to be flexible to define the scope that fitted into the program and cost. 

As the focus went past the cost stage and into the program stage, we had flipped the mentality and gained certainty on the more fluid design ideas and cost, ensuring that prices were fixed. 

This could have really delayed the program had this process not been integrated into the project as opposed to being a task.

SYNOPSIS

If it wasn’t for laying the foundations for a shift in focus the project would have ground to a halt. That focus had to suddenly change.  A sudden change usually means someone misses out. 

In this case it would have been either the client through the quality they were getting or the contractor in terms of over delivering for the allocated costs. 

It allowed for everyone to understand and know they were getting the value that they wanted.

LEARNING
​
Looking forward and anticipating the major risks or required change in focus, helps you put the foundations in place for when they need to happen.

​This ultimately will save you money and time if people feel comfortable when those more difficult stages of a project happen.

​Thanks for reading
 
Simon

​A series of blogs of lessons learnt or re learnt from a recent project, after all we all have room and need to keep learning!

EXPLANATION

I had people on the project who performed a very important function for the business who didn’t have time or want to understand the project and what was going on.  They came across as to important to.  This resulted in countless mistakes and extra costs when they had to be involved, as they didn’t know all the detail to send out accurate information or the relationships and requirements to effectively input.  They performed these roles because they were important to the business and ongoing relationships to their perceived status.

SYNOPSIS

Everyone needs to have their importance in a business and project.  It allows them to own it and feel part of it.  But if they are independent from the project, they can’t sense check their own decisions as they don’t know the full picture.  This results in actions that aren’t the best for the project in terms of profit, quality, and program.

LEARNING
​
Project tasks that are performed as administrative exercises outside of the project need to be monitored very closely.  This is where your mistakes will have the biggest negative impact, as they are disconnected from the project goals, or the project becomes disconnected from the business’s goals.  If possible, keep those actions within the project team or at least sense checked by the project team.  If not, you could lose a lot of money or at least opportunities.

​Thanks for reading
 
Simon

EXPLANATION

To make the project a good as it could be, it needed people to think in a certain way that they weren’t accustomed to. 

On this occasion it was to take responsibility for all aspects of the project, something sub-contractors aren’t used to. The project was a fixed price with no concept.  It was a blank canvas at the start, and we had to fill in the gaps as we saw fit, as efficiently as possible before the target cost was passed. 

If they didn’t the project would stagnate and start to hemorrhage costs as nothing purposeful would be getting done.  There was no one to blame.

SYNOPSIS

Most people don’t have the time or inclination to change either how they do things or think unless they have to.  But every project is different and needs a slightly different approach to make it the best it can be. 

A cookie cutter approach to managing every project means that sometimes you over do, say, the admin or meetings and other times you under do them.  They also may need a different attitude, sometimes more defensive sometimes more open and freer. 

​To make a project the best it can be as many people as possible have to work in the best way for the project.

LEARNING

Understand quickly what the project and people need.  You will probably go down a few wrong routes at the start, but as soon as you realize the right way make sure you reinforce what is required and explain it at every opportunity to everyone.  It may not sink in the first time but sooner or later it will and help focus all parties as to what is needed. 

​Thanks for reading
 
Simon